the replacement killer..!

ok so what is all about fair and square in love and war? no im not talkin about my relationshipless..but im talkin bout the job ere.see, we had this anugerah kidmat cemerlang (APC)given to those lucky gov servants (hell...looo..they've gotten like rm1K okayy?).so we were the host of the event.and being so ever popular with those perkara perkara la'gho ni, i was again appointed to handle the show.just this time i was involved in poem recital.thats not the point here.what i try to POINT IT OUT here is that the event took place on MONDAY where the students were all given HOLIDAYS! n we were not since we were workin our a** out to run the event.okay what's the point again u ask? the main point here is that we need to REPLACE that gone monday in the coming saturday.what the..we are replacing for what?we came to work on monday anyway.who asked the kids to go home??i have plan.people have plan.stop treating us like we have no matters n family to care of.geram aku.in the meantime..here are the pixie.(masa ni tak sakit hati lagi :)

better in time

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile
cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok
Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is
I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

leona lewis (better in time , 2007)

colors..

if whatever shows potray the feeling within..

another painful day..

it's no longer than 24 hour i posted a story bout moi wounded shin, and now i am down with fever n very dry throat.what's next???

but the again..kesakitan adalah penghapus dosa dosa kecil as i remembered reading.:)

the day when the pain is bearable.

it was the regular sunday.as we had not planned of going out, plus it was drizzling outside, syida and moi suggested that we had our cooking session.it's been a while since i last cook..well to the matter of fact that it's been a while since i last got myself back on track.so off to the kitchen we went, n i kept on imagining yesterday's gulai ikan tenggiri.so to cut the story short, as i was transferring the ikan (it was the only piece left on the periuk actually) along with its tomato n bendi to another glass bowl, it exploded.okay...so exploded might sound harsh, but it aint funny when it came with the open wound n swollen part was as big as the ping pong ball.at first everything was ok.i wasnt panicky or anythin, funny thing was i tried cleaning up the mess while syida was astounded with the wound and whats with the blood that keep gushing out.went to the toilet, washed it, rubbed sum gamat oil onto it, wrapped it up with tissue n cellophane tape.well thats what i always do when handling wound n such.but never i imagined that it cud swell to the size as a pingpong ball and as syida put it, the wound was kinda smiling widely.ha ha funny !but later when i finished my zohor prayer n took out the self made bandage, there it was.syida asked me to seek for medical help.as it was sunday, the clinics were all closed.hello...doctors!do u guys have regular hours when people supposedly fall sick?so there is one clinic, but i was so close to strangle the doctor since he refused to do anything (well mind you, since the wound was kinda open n 'smiley' he was afraid it cud be infection n needed to be x rayed).so again.we went straight to ER in hospital besar.the wound was cleaned, but again the nurse afraid the glasses might got into the wound, so she asked me to go for a thorough x ray.as i was waiting my turn, as i sit there alone, all sorts of emotion coming to me. and as i promised not to let any tears drop, it disobeyed me.
it's much better seeing blood that u can touch than ones that u know u cudnt see.
as for the wound, ive got myself three stiches n lotsa love from people who deserve me.

any given sunday

i woke up this morning, expecting the emptiness and gush of sorrow just like i normally feel.but as i opened the eyes, it was another stream of mixed feeling that hit me.the feeling of calmness that i never expected to feel before.
it was the sunday.the wedding day.
it just that there is no wedding.
i jump off the bed, while my 2 sister were still sleeping soundly.i took a minute to scan the whole room, seeing that it doesn't change after all.i went to the living room, seeing abah just got back from buying breakfast, like he always does.upon watching me, he stroked my head slowly, and took me in his arms, hugging me tight.there is no word completing his acts, in just a moment i realized there are tears coming down after all.but i know it's not the tears of regretting, just the tears of realization that sumhow i cudnt make them happy.i hugged mama, soothing her, saying that this is the way God tested us, so be it.
i just can't believe i cud be this strong.i thought this sunday would be different. i thought i would just lock myself in the room and cry, pitying out life that hasn't been fair to me.
i guess God listens to my prayer, that i wanna be stronger and happier.
to the only man that is there in my heart, who gave me love and took it away, i pray God makes you stronger too.
this too...shall pass.

savage garden.

there was a garden..not exactly a garden of eden.but they like it there.both of them just love everythin they saw.colourful flower, gushing winds, cold stream of water.everything was perfect.nobody says no,everybody can be happy.she was happy, that was the moment of her life.she has never been in the garden full of flowers before.it made her terrified to just touch the flowers.it was so magnificent it made her scared.but he said okay.u can have all the flowers u want, these all being planted for u.she was unsure.but she lay there happily anyway.but he wasnt happy.he looked at the flowerbeds being destroyed.he looked at the stream of water where she just put her feet.it made him uneasy.he planted all these..why can he endeavour these first before she ruined it.so he said nay.he didnt want to stay in the savage garden anymore.it made him uneasy.he cudnt bear looking at the wilted flowers, the ruined flowerbeds.so he walked..walked n walked n keep on walking.she was left standing, with a flower in her hands, the one where she keeps on holding since the first time they came to the garden.the unwilted flower.

curtain

don’t tell me you’re sorry cuz you’re not
when I know you’re only sorry you got caught
but you put on quite a show
you really had me going
but now it’s time to go
curtain’s finally closing
that was quite a show
very entertaining
but it’s over now
go on and take a bow

-rihanna-

...

kita hampir ke situ (mendua & the lima)

Aku sadar bukan mudah
Untuk mengejar mimpi indah
Pernah suatu ketika dulu ku punya
Harapan besar
Kini aku tak pasti
Dapatkah ku miliki

Sudah jauh kita temu
Kekalkanlah impian lalu
Mungkin ada hikmah yg akan menunggu di penghujung jalan
Biar nanti kecewa
Setidak-tidaknya cuba

*korus

Jika halangan menduga
Perjalanan kita
Janganlah kau putus asa
Kerna ku ada di sisi
Setia menemani
Andai semangat mu gugur
Genggamlah tanganku
Kita hampir ke situ

Adakala ku terasa
Ketabahan tak setegah
Tetapi apakan andainya
Berhenti separuh jalan
Percayalah padaku
Aku yakin kita mampu

Biar orang katakan
Rapuhnya harapan
Bukan mereka tentukan tapi
Kau atau aku
Tandaku punya kamu
Apa telah akhirnya
Tetap bersama

u n i both

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me?while things are gonna happen naturallyOh, taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side And balancing the whole thing.Oh, but at often times those words get tangled up in linesAnd the bright light turns to nightOh, until the dawn it bringsAnother day to sing about the magic that was you and meCause you and I both lovedWhat you and I spoke ofAnd others only read ofOthers only dream of, of the loveOf the love that I lovedSee I'm all about them wordsOver numbers, unencumbered numbered words;Hundreds of pages, pages, pages for words.More words than I had ever heard, and I feel so alive.Oh,then you and I, you and INot so little you and I anymoreAnd with this silence brings a moral story More importantly evolving is the glory of a boyCause you and I both lovedWhat you and I spoke of (of, of)And others just read ofAnd if you could see me nowWell, then I'm almost finally out ofI'm finally out ofI'm finally deedeedeedeedeedeeWell I'm almost finally, finally Well I am freeOh, I'm freeAnd it's okay if you had to go awayOh, just remember the telephoneswell, they work in both waysBut if I never ever hear it ringIf nothing else I'll think the bells insideHave finally found you someone else and that's okayCause I'll remember everything you sangCause you and I both loved What you and I spoke of (of, of)And others just read of and if you could see me nowWell, then I'm almost finally out of I'm finally out ofI'm finally deedeedeedeedeede Well I'm almost finally, finallyOut of words

taking chances

dear god..give me faith, give me strength, give me what's mine.i want him so much, but im letting him go if that what makes him happy.to love sumone is to make him happy.to make him happy is to let him go.
through the pain, through the endurances, through all the misunderstanding, u have been my teacher.thanks for all the wonderful years, not even single day would i take it as misery.
i just feel sorry i cudnt be the one who held u up, who held ur hands when u are down in the shitholes, i want to be there, to be happy, to be with you.but i was defeated.
u deserved to be happy, even ur happines means im not part of it.



i lose.

healer she's not

wedding should be joyful, glorious, the utmost happiest path in sumone's life.
but why do i feel im losing myself n everything in between?

i leave everything in His hands

one wit the fat ass

does anyone have shrinking pills where it could marvelously turn your body to be skinny n fit nicely in ur wedding gown coz i seriously feel im getting F.A.T....!!! not good.especially when there is a wedding coming up~

the one with no dress to wear

halo peeps..it was a very very tiring n longgggg weekend.i mean..physically n emotionally.zaire n i spent our weekend driving home..mind you..driving home to perlis by using his car(since i havent got the time to send kbl for a service).we just planned of goin home in a very last minutes actually.brought zaire to butik cindai klasik for dress fitting session(being a worrywart i am..takut tak sempat nak alter baju bulan lima), but too bad he couldnt find the one he likes which are compatible to the one ill be wearing (im donning a pink modern kebaya for bersanding.im sooooo like it.tengok lapan kali pun still suka lagi.hahah).the problem is that i bought my own baju bersanding.u know..to be delivered to the generation to come..hahahh.but not his.bukan lupa nak beli skali or what.i bought the kain far away in jakarta.so bila dah balik buat n everything, baru nak cari baju dia, n he doesnt even plan to tempah since dah tempat for akad (we are wearing white for nikah).so i needed to bring him home for the fitting session la.as i said earlier,takde pulak baju pink yang menawan hati..so what the heck..he needs to accompany again then in april.

the lil invitation

i did half of the accounting work yesterday...well,budgeting the wedding tat's it.it's not tat i didnt do it earlier (since most peeps say the most crucial part of marriage is managing the budget n all), it just needs a few more revision.pening jugak kan..no wonder people get headache planning the marriage n all.zaire wants me to give him the number of guests that abah wants to invite.tis is another matter.see..i am seriously considering to order the card from this tiny lil shop i found in Jakarta last month.it was more than great.it is gorrrrrrrrgeous!!what's with the pink color n pink ribbons n all.it was love at the first sight.the problem is..zaire's uncle is planning to fund the cards.yeah it is great, only if i know how the card would look like.

the mad lady is back

ho yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........i retrieved my ol blog SUCCESFULLY!!!!!
welcome...rambling n stuffs!!!!

raya?

im counting daysss to raya!goin home, no matter how bad the condition wud n cud be, i still love my home.that comfy sofa, thos plasma tv, that unglamorious toilet, that berserk roo..i just love everything back home.now that raya is just around the corner, n i cud only call to ask for the updates.well,looking that abah kinda bz repainting the house (paen said sth about having warna keladi??).me, ina n aten wud only be goin home this saturday since ina got her work finish at 1 am on friday.so rise n shine baby.but to be honest dude..i dun really feel the vibe of raya.well, maybe that im gettin older n older every year, n maybe that derived from all the tense at home.i dunno, i just wanna go back to that comfy home again.

rejoicing Ramadhan! (with food)

it's been a fourth day of ramadan, meaning that ive been spending money on thos food that left uneaten.i know this gonna be one absendminded act as holy ramdhan supposedly teach us to not be boros n spend money whenever u got growling stomach.just like yesterday, i ended up buying ikan bawal which was half than being eaten, sata (4 pieces altogether which ended up being in a garbage plastic) n few more side dishes which im not supposed to buy since i hardly ate all of em.if this all about lusting over food, guess i can never say no to.im a small but frequent eater.i got hungry easily from time to time.and as for the ramadhan, we the girls have been setting up plan to go out n have superlicious break fast hour.like today, adeline said she wanna treat four of us to Secret Recipe.yum yum,and acik, being her birthday coming up next week, wanna having the same deal n we gonna hit kenny rogers tmorow.next week, Kak Nor has this funtastic idea about having our break fast at this Chinese restaurant nearby Grand Cont.em emm...how' s that for a first week of Ramadhan? :)

real women have curves..

there..the title of my eversodepressing blog wud hopefully sumhow help me regarding to my weight consciousness.well not that im being spending times thinkin whether i cud be a bit thinner than this, it just the matter that, it wud be great if i am blessed wit a flat tummy, nice shape of gorgeous leg, structured arms n smaller breasts (im not supposed to put it down, but anyway..this my blog!).i am not scrutinizing myself, infact im glad im kinda shrinkin these years, but looking at ur own reflection in the mirror every morning wud eventually bring one consensus,'u are one lazy lady, miss!' u keep on scrutinizing ur body, commenting here n ther, but u done nothing in return.
well,i did carry out actions, i went to gym, been on the treadmills for hours, swearing on yogurts n cursing on carb, waking up early every weekend just for the matter to jog freely, buying myself a rope so i cud do skipping, panting myself to every movements of raina's belly dancing and so forth.but why cant there be a miracle to my figure?
so back to the topic (which evidently true, n the topic is from one HBO's original movie indeed), i believe we are yet to be the real women, because the real women are those who believe in curve and fat that there are blessed for.

angel

we were having our shopping spree in KLCC, which mostly that was me doin the shopping, then it was raining hard.pretty hard.i was actually goin home to kuantan, n the car was park way far from the park.he did all his best, stopping every taxi n asking em whether they cud commute us to the parking spot which was merely just few hundred metres away.all for the matter of not lettin me caught cold n influenza.
It was again in the park of KLCC, i hadnt have chances to pour whatever i felt inside, all the commotion of sadness for the lost of my dearest angah.And i barely knew him, but here infront of him, i washed away tears, lotsa them.The first time since the day of angah's funeral, i knew i had sumone who i can talk to.his gestures were enuff.
he was the one who worked very hard to find me tailor, when i cudnt find even a single person who could sew my clothes for my Raya masquerade. God knows how happy i was back then, knowing i cud parade with my opel baju kurung.
my friends knew im fond of Hayao Miyazaki's work, the creator of Spirited Away and Totoro. but being penniless i am always, i cud only buy a cd per outing, n the rest, i asked him to do the pirating process. he did the most suprising thing, no not doin the downloading thingy, but presented me a complete box of original Hayao's series.
It was a third day of Raya,he boarded the bus a nite before, reaching Perlis, met my parents, n getting the bus back to Johor the very same day.

then if all these good things he had done to me, why cant i be his angel for once?