Wednesday, March 31, 2010

these doable things i know

No one in the world can ever say they have similar way of handling all sorts of shitty situation, be it heartbreak, divorce, death..whatever seizes your happiness hastily.One can just smile and hide all miseries, or one could at least swear on the wrecked fate.and keep on swearing.
Believe me, i know it the worst way, and i know it ain't easy forgetting and forgiving.Probably, not ever.Being in that sucked up relationship had hit me that sometimes, it was best to be place into test.I never know that one day, i would wake up and realize that all tears are for nothing, and all the broken dreams are doable to be mended.I never know that one day i could simply vomit to just remember those dramas, and to laugh at stupidity of those shits.

Cliche as it may sound, you need a little drama in the life as real life drama add to the intensity of knowing life true meaning.You may on top on the world on Sunday, and come crashing way below the ground on the coming Friday.

To talk bout coping might be little out of question, i had lotsa helps coming in the form of my bunch of those lovable crazy bunch in the office n of course the fellas at home.I can't never do that on my own.But hey, now that i sort of realizing that coping comes in many, many ways and that way i might not even notice doing is the tangible way getting me out of the mess.

1)watched cartoon.i mean it.lotsa lotsa cartoon.watched tom n jerry or scrooge or just good ol mickey mouse.NEVER watch melancholic, over way tooo corny cartoon, so the little mermaid is a definite no.

2)go out if your friends ask you to.dun just succumb to the loneliness coz u know u tend to be a drama queen when no one watches you (cry for hours..again).Just go out for the sake of going out, good polluted air might do you justice (heck, better than getting your brain polluted, no?)

3)do things that u've been stopped before.Nobody going to piss at you.Go travel, go buy those clothes you want, go and splurge.It's your money, anyway.No hands are good to spend the moolah but you:)

4)exercise.u've been keeping the fat way too much by just stuffing your face with food (gluttony over despair, who won u think?), or u get too skinny by not eating since you are way too busy stuffing your face into the pillow, crying your soul out. Yoga is the best, it meditates, it doesnt require you to jump and you can still do the puppy pose even when u are all soggy from crying.And you learn the proper way of breathing, good breathe will rule out negative vibe.And try belly dancing, makes you sexier and let you feel even sexier (flabby tummy and emotional breakdown are 2 suicidal combination i believe)

5)cry your heart out.Those who say..stop crying coz it aint do you good.To heck with that.Cry takes out tears.Tears are water and water washes out dirt.So yeah, you washes out dirt of your brain and soul eventually.

6)Go back to the little place you've known as home.Seeing the familiar, warmth faces at home are the indefinite therapeutic healing even when they say nothing at all. You just need to be at the utmost comfort zone where not even a single shitty thing can hit you. I hit home more than i hit anywhere else in a month.

7)Be silly.Act like nobody cares.Laugh even when you heart doesnt want to let go.Your equally silly friends will help you being normal by being you. Laugh to the idiotic jokes, make fun of your condition and let people laugh with you for that. i rather them laughing than pouring out sympathy anyway.

8)Take time to live and learn.Coping never easy, it comes with stages.When you get over the hatred and anger, then you know it's time you have healed.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

one too many

Oh god, i really don't know whats gotten into me lately.Seems that I'm in an indefinite quest for password retrieval.I never realize that I'm so bad in memorizing these kinda trivial matters that somehow it plagues me like a disease.I mean not making drama here!First it it all about the birthdates.Seriously, if you are among those that i wish on the very exact date of your birth, then consider yourself lucky.I can't even remember my siblings' birthdates particularly well, for god sake.Then comes the all the formal matters, the dates of job approval, appointment for DG raise, the tax number and even the exact wage, to name a few.My source of information is none other than Wahid, who is always ever ready to give you the exact amount of numbers needed.Well, that's not such a biggie, u say?
What about forgetting your passwords?Passwords for streamyx, for the emails, for my citibank online banking yada yada yada.Oh my god...this is seriously irritating!I tried to standardize every single sites that require me to provide them password.I did!But heck, i even forgot that very precise passwords!And yet today, my maxis broadband site would have to be under the forgotten numbers.Im not going that senile now,am i?
Uh oh...

Thursday, March 18, 2010


before i turn 40, i now hereby declare that:

1) im going to finally muster my guts and do the bungee jumping
2) and to sky dive for that matter
3) i need to practically brush up my spanish, in the real land of spain.
4) getting back to school and complete my master n phd
5) getting the SX of 4.
6) getting married at the beach
7) adopt a kid if 6 is implausible
8) for spain, rio de janeiro and the mardi gras and loy kratong
9) getting own crib
10) stop swearing as if my life depending on it.
10) being better human n definitely a better servant of god.

sheesh..10 years aint that long.or shud i just pick one for every 10 years?

finding Michelin.

Little did i know that finding good place of Malay eateries in Kl is like digging for gems.There are so many places around, but does it really come up to the standard?It was a mere nightmare finding places to munch for his coming since he places the priority dine out!well, not that im no good in finding places to eat, but we are just frequenting the same eateries for so long we stopped searching for other treasured diners.
can we just head for mamak, ian?that wud be the society's norm of dining out.mamak rules!haha..

oh yeah, mamak is already on the list.bugga.

before the worst

god, can this week get any worse?its really not my week, the travelling claim has mysteriously stashed up somewhere (read: i want my money.and i want it ASAP~), health wise im not really doing well either, throat is burning and feel bad of wanting to scratch it, and to top it all, it will be the last 2 weeks to enjoy some time with the housemates.
Yes, now, first the yiyin, now it's gets lonely not having those bambinos around.the truth is, i got closer, emotionally attached to them without me realizing it.not having them around, not having them with their antics, not hearing them with their babytalk, i missed all those and probably going to even miss it more as time goes.:)
and about the travelling really drives me up the wall with this shit.don't even know where it goes wrong, ive checked the particular, the account number, like, repeatedly so i wont get jinx with the numbers.And it irks me that the rest of us had gotten their claims.
Fak.fak fak fak.
on the other note of dismal tragedies, syida sprained her ankle yesterday.Definitely not the best morning after a night out of bowling tournament.Since it was swollen and and she could barely heave herself, we went n scouted the traditional masseuse.It was all the way in the Felda settlement, quite nice actually if u love the traditional architechture for the matter.And the people here are quite helpful (haha, okey probably just a person, since he was the one willingly lead us to the the exact house with his bike.turned out he was jubilant seeing my car plate number, which probably drove him to lead us.Orang utara jugak sapa kata oghang utagha takdak semangat kenegerian??hehe).
oh my, i got class at 10.another test to go, another stack of papers for the eyes n brains to feast on.till then, happy mornin:)

Monday, March 15, 2010

revelation. i ever go anywhere untraced.or unnoticed.curi curi pegi kuantan pun pun kantoi dgn kereta bos.i have no legit reasons for not just ..probably tired.of writing, of having so many things to say, of having issues to ponder.
so now im back, and hoping i could muster energy or rather i say, the enthusiasm to recall whatever happened to me for the past month sans the updates.
It's official that my best friends are both pursuing new roads in their other half, the inseparable non-related blood sister of mine is now basking in the new working environment.watching her departure was a heart ache, but both of us agreed that the parting doesnt mean she'll go for wont change things, and not even to change the value of our friendship that i wud say, no one cud even explain or connect to.u are forever be my guidance, a confidante, a friend that i know would always be there, even distance might be the worse enemy.que tenga suerta!
another good friend of mine is having her good time of life too, a new start of a new journey of hope n life:).congratulations on ur wedding my dearie lia, it worth all the pain and for once, u deserve all the smiles and happiness.sun has shine, and it wont stop shining definitely.u know, i dun really do weddings these days, but hell, i wont let those whirring emotion stopped me.seeing the family pic is all worth the coming:)
what else, oh ya, im, 30..30.haha.u gotta wait for the next 10 years to see the first digit changes. so far, im enjoying my newfound age.i get to know one nice guy, and he will b travelling all the way across the indian ocean to spend his easter here.not hoping anythin out of this realy, but all have been good.or i hope its good.i dont know, its too early to even think of anythin good or bogus for the matter.or probably the 30 marks sumthing new.we just have to see.i just have to see.writing this makes me a bit apprehensive.i dont go talkin bout my life much these days, or plastering pictures of newfound renown 'glory' yada yada yada.rather bein a keeper than a talker.its good that way i guess.
so, for a 30 year old women, i feel good.and i hope it stays for nother 10 years to come:)

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just a normal average jane who loves to sleep n write whatever comes across her mind.

of the gibberish ramblings and the thoughtless thought