Tuesday, January 31, 2012


Tak semua kau rancang akan berlaku
Mungkin nasib tak menyebelahi aku
Entah mengapa engkau yang aku cinta
Mungkin lebih baik kau ku lepas saja

Ini tidak adil tidak adil baginya
Ini tidak adil tidak adil bagiku
Ini tidak adil
Untuk engkau bertanya jika ku mencintaimu juga
Tidak adil tidak adil baginya

Kau tak pernah cuba memahami aku
Cinta kau ucap tak pernah engkau tunjuk
Dan bila tiba saat ku kehilangan
Beban yang tak pernah cuba kau ringankan

Dan aku memang penakut
Mengakui cinta kepadamu
Seribu kali ku cuba ucapkan
Bila bersamamu
Kau bukan milikku
Dan engkau pun tahu
Kau bukan milikku

(Yunalis Zarai, Penakut)

Monday, January 30, 2012

Tag 30 (part penghabesan)


26) Do you consider yourself to be lazy?

Not entirely, in fact I am pretty rajin, but have to be things that I know about, or things that interest me. Laziness sikit sikit tuh biasala kan..sapa tak lazy itu bukan orang. Itu robot.

27) If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?

Me being eighteen forever. The first real world. The first higher institution. The first freedom. The first recognition. The first 'me-angst'. The first love.

28) What is your favorite form of exercise?

For jaw muscles, it has to be talking and laughing which I am pretty good at :). If you mean the real form of exercise, it's going to be dancing, jogging and more or less yoga ( walaupun yoga mat dah berabuk tepi dinding dan badan mungkin dah tak flexible nak buat downward dog, ada aku kisah, yang penting aku kool buat yoga kah kah!). But since I am living in the fourth floor and no elevator, considered myself having enough exercise already, everyday, unintentionally!!!

29) At what age did you become an adult?

12 ke 13..tah tak penting, yang penting aku sudah sunti.

30) 5 things you want/ need to buy

Banyak laaaa..5 mana cukup. Shopping kat Giant pun dah lebih 5. Apa seronok 5 jeeeee...

Tag 30 (part cinco)

sikit je lagi...

21) Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with.

With mama and Aten. A deep conversation that one. 3 orang yang tidoq secara horizontal di atas Queen bed sambil membincangkan soal hati dan perasaan. Wawancara dan diskusi secara ilmiah terhenti setelah peserta paling veteran mengambil bantal dan tidoq di depan setelah tak berdaya mendengar sohseh sohseh bising peserta lagi dua orang itu kerana jam telah pukul 2 pagi. kah kah...Pembubaran diskusi sebenar dipercayai kerana tak tahan tidoq horizontal di katil Queen.

22) Weird things you do when you're alone.

Even when I am not alone, I just realize that I speak when I type, or text. I mouthed the things I want to type. So mulut ada sikit herot herot. ha ha..gilo tak boleh type rahsia macam ni aiseymenn..

23) Are you an organized person?

Kah kah kah..Cikgu Inson sila jawab soalan ini please. I am just in my 'organized' mode typically when I go travelling, because that is when I will be super organized with itinerary, clothes, money and such. Tapi bukanlah yang lain tuh tak organize. Rumah I very the organized apaaaaaaa...organize sawang. kah kah kah...!!!

24)Your opinion on cheating on people

It should be a capital punishment for cheating bulls*** in the world. Malas aku nak komen. Katanya yang terlarang itu godaan. Tak kira la bercinta ka berkawin ka apa ka. Sebab apa kata cheating bull? Sebab yang cheat tuh semuanya takdak bulls nak bagitau sebab apa depa cheat. Selalunya kantoi macam tuh je. Oh well, barulah bull's eye namanya bila dah kantoi. Nak blame sana sini but you.

Fuhh berapi-rapi tazkirah bakal psychotherapist.

25) When was the last time you were nervous?

Like, right now? Because I could not sleep , it is 3.48am and I need to invigilate an internal exam tomorrow. What if I wake up late and miss the exam? Oh horror!!! Okay nak tidoq dah esok sambung .

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Tag 30 (part cuatro)


16) What do you want to major in?

Would love to major in psychotherapy and be a psychotherapist. Particularly in relationship and human connection. I think I can manage that pretty well. Counselling was my minor field anyway. And I would love to major in floral course, minat bunga punya pasal:)

17) Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

At the age I am now, I used to date a 27 year-old-man, dating ke?..hemm...as in, going out for dinner, nothing fancy, you know? 18? Cannot la wehhh, I can't bear picturing me babysitting a guy on a date! Pedophile I am so not!!

18) Your reflection in the mirror

Nothing I would change of what I see in the mirror. It reflects me, of who I am for the past 31 years. A strong and resolute individual, never quiver come what may, that's what I see and I hope i see it correctly. Insya Allah..

19) Things you like and dislike about yourself.

I dislike the fact that being a Pisces, i love water too much, keriau kuat.ha ha, tengok The Lion King pun boleh meleleh ayaq mata. I am sensitive, I can't say No when people ask for help, even it is beyond my strength and ability. I dislike the fact that I fall in love wrongly with the wrong person normally, and getting away from it was a trial and torment and left me being the one heartbroken.

But anywayyyyy...I do love the fact that I easily love people because it makes me not hating people, unless you being such an a**ho**. And I don't keep grunge for too long. Pendek kata, no matter what, walaupun kadang-kadang sesuatu hari itu seperti lahabau (waaaa...jadi orang melaka la pulak hoii!), tapi I just love being me lah, coz I am stronger that way:)

20) Who are you looking forward to seeing

Future him.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Tag 30 (part tres)

sambung lagi...

11) What’s your sign?

I am a fish

tang ultra tuh tipu je. popular light light jeeee..ha ha ha!

12) Future names of your children

hentahlah nokk..I seriously don't have the ideas on the matter but I love the sound of Dewi. Motip anak perempuan je? Pempuan tau, laki tak tau bak kata P.Ramlee dalam Masam Masam Manis (eh, dialog berubah daa..)

13) What is your favorite flower?

Albeit not liking being called Rose, I like roses in flowers. Love the rosiness of its smell and feeling. And orchids too. And the above was bought by Mr.Ex in Changi Airport the day he made to the shores

14) What is your relationship status?

Legally unmarried. kehhh..kau mampo carik status ni dalam FB?

15) A book you want to read/have recently read.

I am searching high and low for this book - How Starbucks Saves My Life
I am now reading Summer In The City, The Carrie Diaries
But seriously, mak tak sempat nak membaca nok..asyik busy ke lain jeee (dalam kurungan, membuta). Penat wohh keja banyak! Tak pun lately banyak baca buku masakan je..( bajet best padahal ..heleh merembes tengok gambaq makanan yang lebih. ha ha)

Tag 30 (part dos)


6) If you had to spend a day not using any technology, what would you do?

Hmm... not that tricky this question, after all it's all in a day story. I probably nestle myself comfortably with good books. Got few more unread books from the last Big Bad Wolf visit in Serdang. Or probably snoring. Oh well, second option sounds more plausible :)

Big Bad Wolf book sale

7)Favourite song of the moment
Aku Maafkan Kamu- Jamal Abdillah and Malique.

Aku maafkan kamu
Tak perlu kita bertemu
Cukup kau tahu
Yang aku
Maafkan kamu
Tolong teruskan hidup
Jangan sebut namaku

fuhh...aku chenta abang jamal.

8)Concerts i've been to.

Hehe..malu nak ngaku but the first concert I went to was KRU's. Zaman KRU pakai windbreaker and Yusry masih suci anak teruna. Zaman-zaman oooooouhhh...kuu di dalam dilemaaaa...parap parap parap! Mom didn't allow so I threw tantrum, for days in fact. I was in form 2 or 3 kot, so tahap gedik nak tengok artis sangat optima. Oh I got the ticket through telephone contest, courtesy of RTM Kangar. Berkhemah tepi telefon nak jadi pemanggil bertuah menjawab soalan KRU. And bought one more for Ina so she could come too. Bukan beli tiket, tapi beli Coke pek 6 tin so dapat free tiket. hehehe..Apa lagii eh konsert aku pegi? Macam takde je. But I would go see Adele if she ever makes it to our shore. And The Script too.

9)Last Awkward situation you were in

In Lanai Langkawi this was. Put on my black t-shirt and legging hitam untuk mandi di kolam and pantai. Selepas puas terjun tiruk and aksi panas-di-tepi-kolam-renang-Majalah-Mangga, berlari lari ke pantai untuk main frisbee and beach volleyball. Tatkala itu baru sadar legging hitamku ada koyak di buntuit dan baju t-shirt tak berupaya mencover seupayanya. Awkward dan seksaaaaaaa....!!

10) Favorite football club

Tak layan bola sangat so takde feveret

Tag 30 (part uno)

Found these on http://akissferrero.blogspot.com/, 30 questions for you to start pressing your brain. Another lazy and sneaky way to keep my blog updated ha ha..at least I could do 5 every day, kan? Kira ok la tuuuuuu dari takde update lansung..:) Kata nak celen Cikgu Inson yang seribu post tuuuuu.ahhaha!

1)Who are you? Names, nationalities, and virtually any other socially-defined attributes do not count. Deep down, who are you?
2)Why my last relationship ended.
3)How i’d spend ten thousand bucks.
4)What i want to be when i get older.
5)Favourite place to shop at.
6)If you had to spend a day not using any technology, what would you do?
7)Cavourite song of the moment.
8)Concerts i've been to.
9)Last Awkward situation you were in
10)Favorite football club.
11)What’s your sign?
12)Future names of your children.
13)What is your favorite flower?
14)What is your relationship status?
15)A book you want to read/have recently read.
16)What do you want to major in?
17)Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
18)Your reflection in the mirror
19)Things you like and dislike about yourself.
20)Who are you looking forward to seeing.
21)Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with.
22)Weird things you do when you're alone.
23)Are you an organized person?
24)Your opinion on cheating on people
25)When was the last time you were nervous?
26)Do you consider yourself to be lazy?
27)If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?
28)What is your favorite form of exercise?
29)At what age did you become an adult?
30)5 things you want/ need to buy.

1)Who are you? Names, nationalities, and virtually any other socially-defined attributes do not count. Deep down, who are you?

Who am I, really? I think I am a woman trapped in a 15 year-old body. Not because I am small and petite, but I could be so sensitive and emotional on things around me, things that only 15 year old and below would be dwelling at mostly. But being Pisces, that's quite common don't you think? Tapi bukan seorang yang lembik ye? Apa lagi ha? Ehem, saya suka buat lawak, walaupun lame. And I am overly talkative in the morning , it could be such an annoyance to you. Chirp chirp!! and oh, I just don't like being called Rose, eventhough it is attached in my ID.

bukti yang I am indeed a warganegara and tak naik tongkang datang Malaysia:)

2)Why my last relationship ended?
Distance. Tahap tak boleh naik bas punya. Sobs..

3)How i’d spend ten thousand bucks.

bukan beli orang tu aaa..lama dah nak beli, tapi sebab i miskin, terpaksa la tunggu rejeki 10 thousand bucks nih baru bole beli hu hu...

bukan tiket first class tau. Tapi open ticket to everywhere. Pi ja mana-mana , bila-bila suka.

Tak dpt yang atas, yang ni pun okeh. Gold plated lagi. Maklumlaaa, Midas Touch.kih kih!

Cis semuanya kebendaan.ahhaha..lantak bukan selalu dapat 10 thousand bucks, kannn?? Tapi selepas tolak skit bagi kat mak pak, adik beradik laa and simpan duit nak pi that ultimate VISIT.
Oh lupa, nak beli ghumah, flat ka, kondominium ka, penthouse ka. Ha ha...10 ribu je pun, eh bukan main Toto kan? Halal JAKIM kan duit nih??

4) What i want to be when i get older

This..wah adakah kerana anak eurasian maka kena rembat bapak eurasian jugak? kah kah. Wonder when this will be:) I mean, being mom, not the eurasian part. Do'ohhhhh...

5)Favourite place to shop at.

ikan sayur- pasar tani. syiok ahhh..baru balik pasar tani ni..juling mata tgk ikan fresh fresh walaupun i masak tak best. wahh ryhme! Tapi paling best, pasar tani West End, Brisbane. Rasa nak baring baring kat situ jugak wow wow wow!

clothes- anywhere, could even be flea market, trust me they got the trendiest ones. Such a steal. Duit pun jimat (itupun kalau tak rambang mata la rembat sana sini)

pharmacist- habit i can't stop. A must visit place whenever I go, even abroad. Sungguh tak jimat.

Okay nak pi kacau gulai sat. Will continue this shortly:)

Friday, January 27, 2012

celebration of a not-1000th entry post.haha

Mama is being burbly excited today and could not stop asking me if I could ever challenge her achievement. Her blog is up for its 1000th post today and she is calling out for a celebration!

Oh well she is ecstatic because she knows mine is less than 1000 posts but been blogged years more than her. Talk about family rivalry eh..hehehe! I have to admit, since 2004, I blogged lesser and even if there were posts, the numbers fluctuated. I went crazy writing in 2008 and 2009 (mostly everything garbage and none to feed your intelligence. *cynical, duh*). I blogged mostly about everything really, anything that fit my interest, mode and mood of writing, and I even wrote a lengthy post about my dying cat alone. After a while, I've kinda lost the feeling. Blogging interest me no more. It deprived me from enjoying things that I used to love. The reason? I had so many things to scrabble, trust me. Blogging used to be the only place I gushed my feelings, but to blog something that I knew could hurt some people, that was not my intention at all. In the end, I swallowed all the things I wanted to jot and censored most of my thoughts, hence the lesser number of posts updated.

8 years, 356 posts, one hell of a woman:). Not so bad, isn't it?

Or simply because I was plain lazy to even type a single thought. hehe...But hey, the laziness does not include me snooping around and reading yours.
Better keep yourself updated *point finger!*

Monday, January 23, 2012

enter the dragon

salah horoscope daa..saja suka interprem minah ni

cenonet je dragon mr.google nih. ahhh belasahhhh

Happy Yee Sang everyone!!

It is a dragon year and according to the Chinese belief that it will be such a fruitful year because dragon itself is the divine beast that it brings you good fortune and those who were born in the dragon years are to be respected and honored. Wow..trust me..it's going to be one lots of wedding and social functions this year. And newborns too.

Of all the festivals celebration, I grew up being fond of Chinese New Year celebration. Since abah's job demanded him to get acquainted with his Chinese suppliers, visiting their houses during Chinese New Year was a custom for each, quite commonly each year. I remembered Uncle Kiong and Uncle Chow, who never failed to give us boxes and boxes of oranges, and angpows too. The two rounded-faced fellas, ones of the first Chinese society that I get to know fondly. One who always like to echo his hello everytime I answered his calls. One whose hello sounded funnily like helllllooooooouuuuuuuu...!(trust me, it will be funnier if you could listen to it yourself)

And my working environment, I have and had closest unit of family who consist of Chinese ladies too. Who again, never fail to deliver rounds of oranges every year. And my classmates when I was 17, whom mostly Chinese but were Malay than a Malay ourselves. It was when we bought greeting cards and started making delivery for every Chinese friends we knew in school. Wonder why we are no longer sending out cards, anyway??

So coming today, I am going to follow and continue the tradition, of visiting the land where the community will be coz I'm off to Penang y'all!!

Gong Xi Fa Chai!!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

of warded, date, and being carless

Even though I am safely hibernating in my hometown, I regret that I don't follow my heart to bring the car home. I was close to bring it home when I realized that it would just be me and the car.And the Chinese New Year crazy balik kampung exodus.No way I am going to beat those traffic ever again, and bus was the only option. Little that I know i am in the need of my car so much!

It was the night on my way home to Perlis that Aten informed that our wan was warded. He couldn't feel the muscle and couldn't move, and upon inspecting, it was about the higher content of glucose in his blood. So right that evening, I made the visit to the hospital, it was his second time warded anyway, for the same cause.The first one, well, I couldn't really make it since I was away in Singapore.And I made promise that I would go and visit him all the time if I come home.Even in the hospital. But since I was carless, I have to depend solely on abah for my mode of transportation.And Paen doesn't come home either so I could take mom's car. I even promise Lia to visit her newborn. And I promise my grandma I keep her company when my wan is in the hospital.Uhuhhhhh..Abah is not really free all the time, his new contract kinda hold him busy. So yeah, now you see that I am in the need of car pronto. Any cars even!

How life without car is definitely irksome!

Monday, January 16, 2012

langkawi in pictogram:)

Enough of all those melancholic entries.Doesn't really intend to be all remorseful, but hey, a heart needs to tell what a heart wants to tell,doesn't it? So, remember i told you about the beachy getaway courtesy of Saad clan? I might as well just have these pictures uploaded:)


Yesterday, somebody texted me. He texted me almost everyday actually, basically just to greet and say hi. He is somebody that i know for the past 5 or 6 years, and how could we maintain that 5 to 6 years of friendship? Well, we are not romantically involved, that's why. Men can be scary when they start developing feeling towards you, they get greedy and all lusty. Okay enough of that. Sure he texts me almost everyday, but yesterday, it was different.We talked talk.

He told me he was at Marina Barrage, a place he brought me one night when i was in Singapore. A place suits any human well to do some soul-searching thought. True enough, he was there for a bit of self-reflection. Of life and whatever comes in between. Said he was dealing with his f***ed up life, where everybody is pressing on him to be somebody and how life in Singapore is all about money, materials and who's who by the time you're 40. I know he was depressed, he never was like that, i mean opening up. So i told him, that is his life, nobody can have a say and make a decision for him. People who can't stop bossing other people's life is one short of better things to do. In the end you cannot please everybody around you.Or you can't stop pleasing them, they will never convince. So again i say, life is not a life if things are too easy on you, and he agreed, despite being miles away, I know he nodded in agreement.

And later we talked about marriage, about how difficult it is to be in the society where you considered crippled for not being into one. Admitted that i hate my society. And it was time for him to console me with his words.He said,

'I always believe that I rather get married late and make it a beautiful marriage even if its the last 10 years of my life rather than getting married my whole life and having to suffer with each others' insecurities, attitude and having not enough enjoyment while they were younger'

I was stunned. It was beautiful, for someone who never speaks up about his thoughts, this is beyond inhibition. I was taken aback, in such a good degree.There are truth in his simple texts.

And for that, i thanked YOU

Friday, January 13, 2012

when life gives you lemon

then you make yourself a lemonade.To make a reversal of all the things happen, and bring a good one out of it.If only making a lemonade will be that easy.

There was one part in my life, where i used to think that coming whatever fruits, I can't still make any juices of it.I was numb, tired, and ready to give it up.I can't forever squeeze the lemon and try making a lemonade, when I deeply know that i am never a good maker.I can't even figure out of what skills i need to master, to even squeeze the juices anymore.

It is indeed squeezed me out of my energy, and strength, entirely.

But of course, there is a reason, of why I am still here, looking at those lemons.It is what it is, of whatever difficulty the process takes me, I will have to be patient.True, my life gives me lemon, but I don't have to just learn how to make a lemonade, but i will drink it too.

coz i know sooner this too shall pass:)

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just a normal average jane who loves to sleep n write whatever comes across her mind.

of the gibberish ramblings and the thoughtless thought