ground zero

Have you ever had those days when you feel you are at your weakest, and everything that you did have been fruitless, or when you feel that you have not done enough for other people's sake, and you want to pick up other's burden and make it your own.And when you somehow close to disregard all the positivity because you feel you have been defeated by the nature?

now i wish i have superpowers to omit anything temperamental.

mari masak masak!

rosemary and lemon roasted chicken


homemade burgers and shoestring fries (oily!)


cheezy pizza (minus the veggie)


piping hot baked macaroni and cheese


again..the baked stuff:)

but still, i don't really fancy cooking:)

the steel woman

She used to never letting me be free,
catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be,
Every other day I crossed the line
I didn't mean to be so bad,
I never thought you would become a friend I never had

Back then I didn't know why,
Why you were misunderstood (mama),
So now I see through your eyes,
all that you did was love

I didn't want to hear it then but
I'm not ashamed to say it now,
Every little thing you said and did was right for me,
I had a lot of time to think about,
about the way I used to be,
Never had a sense of my responsibility.

(mama, spice girls 1996)

it is just a snippet of a song, but how a snippet could actually be the whole story teller to describe an unconditional feeling of love.
To the irreplaceable woman in my life, thanks for keeping up with the rebellious, the ever so stubborn, the tear maker, the temperamental silly me.To keep and have the same faith you have had since the last 31 years. To all the joys and sorrow you share and shared.I could not ever repay anything, except of making you the contented woman on earth, which i am dutifully trying, insya allah.

Mama, the steel woman of the house, there's nothing i could promise except the happiness that you deserve and pray that you will always be under His care and love, till eternity.

Happy blessed birthday mummy, and i love you so so much:)

do i neeeeeeeeeed it?

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the temptation. I feel the need to change it, but not the obligation to do it.I feel the desire to have it, but not the urge.Is that really really necessary?Ive done the hunting, too bad the stuff is not there and we (I) could just stare longingly at the picture.Ha ha.

Now i need help in making decision coz i'm about to make a bigggggg purchase after 2004:)

partner tagged:)

let's see how good i am about him :))

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
He probably would be watching almost everything

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
Easy peasy, ha ha ha. He definitely goes for Ceasar's dressing.

3. What’s one food he doesn’t like?
This Miow miow brand asam jawa pedas gula.He just couldn't understand why am i so freaking crazy about it.

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order?
He would order IceBlog, that ice pearl drink, over and over and over again.

5. Where did he go to high school?
High school in sunshiny San Fran

6. What size shoes does he wear?
Bigggg one, because the last time we went shoes shopping, the shop didn't even have his size, or even ever ordered it.

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
I doubt he likes to collect anything.If any, that would be me (junk collector!haha)

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Anything cheesy, preferably with feta cheese.And he does like any kind of sandwiches

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?
veggie, urghh..

10. What is his favorite cereal?
emm, cornflakes with milk?

11. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do?
Sweet as he is, i don't think he wishes anything i wouldn't do.Or maybe he is silently wishing me to stop merajuk so much?

12. What is his heritage?
He is some part of Polish

13. What is his favorite color?
Black.I love him black, he loves me black

14. What is his habit?
Sweet drinks overdose.Kills me and can't stop babble bout this.Might as well just eat raw sugar then, yes?

15. What is he proud of?
He's proud of his mom.Anak manja, ok?

16. Lastly, do you think he will read this?
He does read the blog without me knowing!

Okaylah,to be honest, i am missing him, which sesaja nak buat tag bout him, since soalan not that mencabar haha..:)

mama, sila la buat

Date: 14th April 2011
Starting Time: 10.05 am
Reason for doing the tag: I am in the middle of the cubicle spring cleaning and need some break :)
Finishing Time:11.11 am


1. What time did you get up this morning?
I believe the alarm rang me up at 6.00am, but only officially waking up at 6.45 am

2. How do you like your steak?
I don't really dig on steak, so i don't bother.

3. What is your favorite TV show?
For now, it's going to be Cougar Town and Masterchef US (it's a rerun but who's freaking care:0).and yes, my Richard Castle of course:)

4. What was the last movie you saw at the cinema?
Battle: Los Angeles with Paen, and im counting on Pirates, yey~

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Seriously, anywhere close to Encik Bear.Or anywhere sandwiching between California and Negaraku Malaysia.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
Behun goreng. As usual, i couldn't finish itlah

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
I am not a picky eater but i am definitely licking my plate for ayam penyet

8. What foods do you dislike?
Anything vegetables. Rasa seperti zirafah.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
Arip in Kuala Perlis for its ikan bakar and sotong goreng tepung, this small little hideout cafe somwhere in the island that serve the best drink and finger foods and anywhere that serves ayam penyet (duhh, i took more than 5 minutes to think of the answers for this question!)

10. Favorite dressing?
Ceasar Salad. Pbear taught me how to eat veggie, and this is the ONLY green veggie dish i could swallow and added bonus that i love the dressing too.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
Kereta kecik tetapi gojes (walaupun comot)

12. What are your favorite clothes?
Minidress and legging for now

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Short term plan, Bali Bali and Bali again. Long term plan, Pleasant Hill. Definite plan, meeting the Maker at the rightful place

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Sadly, no matter how i want to be one cup full, i end up pouring out 1/2 part of it

15. Where would you want to retire?
I really , really don't know.I just want to retire peacefully in somewhere peaceful.

16. Favorite time of day?
My birthday. Woot..woot!

17. Where were you born?
Hospital Besaq Kangaq

8. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Syncronised swimming. Don't laugh, i dreamt to be one.

9. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Definitely a morning person.Aku rasalah :)

10. Do you have any pets?
Not my own but the old folks' at home. But i love my feline siblings to bits seperti anak sendiri gituu..

11. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
haha, for now i think i would like to keep some to myself

12. What did you want to be when you were little?
Nak keja yang boleh main mekap mekap dan cantik cantik.Gedik gila.Tampar kang.

13. What is your best childhood memory?
Everytime people gathered to celebrate my birthdays.Nothing can't beat that.

14. Are you a cat or dog person?
Both.Religion reason, it's not practical to be a dog person so i go for cat.

15. Are you married?
Not yet

16. Always wear your seat belt?
hahahha.A MUST! Semua orang naik kereta comot itu wajib pakai tali pinggang keledar

17. Been in a car accident?
Yep, langgar montot kereta Honda.I wasn't the driver, so i wasn't terribly guilty

18. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
Abundant of cheeeeeeeeeeeese.

19. Favorite Flower?
I LOVE FLOWERS.give me a bouquet!

20. Favorite ice cream?
mint chocolate chip ice cream.Okay, i want one now.

21. Favorite fast food restaurant?
KFC and Mek Di

22. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Boleh tak, tak nak mengaku tak gagal walaupun gagal kali pertama ujian mendaki bukit?Hahaha..

23. From whom did you get your last email?
Air asia:)

24. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
I haven't maxed out on anything, yet. But i have this premonition it's going to be on any flight companies hahah

25. Do anything spontaneous lately?
Pegi main boling pagi pagi 'buta'. I mean, the shopping complex was just starting its operation and we were already inside.

26. What was your favorite vacation?
Brissy trip for the shopping perfume sampai nak pengsan.

27. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Paen at the Shahzan's Inn

28. What time did you finish this quiz?
11.11 am! An hour for a break?? Kau memang malas kemas cubicle sebenarnya kan?

mama, i dare you to do this:) and im tagging za za za zarina

I am 8!

EIGHT YEARS BABY!

EIGHT YEARS...to be called an educator:)! Eight years that i am guiding my own direction, holding the profession since i was 23!My facebook is super fancy today, with the anniversary wishes from old mates who used to work with me in the same matriculation, and from some who already move to the different routes and paths.I am definitely in super jolly mood, knowing for the reason that i am holding, and breathing the responsibility of one of the noblest job in the world.And boy i don't have any regret to say the least. I am happy for who and what i am (emm..maybe not for some particular doleful moments), but honestly, i am blessed with my undertakings, to know that some people out there who still suffering from the job hunting process, and for me to be granted this job even before i graduated!Sweet, isn't it?

Though, personified an educator is not something to be taken for granted.Your nature of work needs you to be all knowledgeable, fun, lovable and stress-free.In short, you can't mirror whatever emotional turbulences you feel inside for the sake of those innocent faces you meet everyday in college.Those innocent faces who await for you to deliver another set of engaging knowledge.Fighting with your boyfriend and crying till the night ends? Or personal issues stressing out the brain till it numbs? Well, just need to cover those black , puffy eyes with some concealers and put the biggest smile ever and walk to the class with the confidence bigger than your miseries.The process of personality switching is not easy, but one has to do it.One who never has been trained, but learning it from experiences.

When i was still a teenager who had no definite ambition and whose goal changed every month, i silently made a self-declaration that a teacher wasn't something i intended to do.Or to give a thought about. No matter how much mom brought back stories about her cute experiences with those kids at the schools, or no matter how many presents she got every time there was Hari Guru Sekolah, i wouldn't move from my initial declaration.I despise being a teacher, seriously.It was something that spelled unglamorous, something that everyone could do.Where's the challenge of it , i asked. And i rolled my eyes everytime mom announced she was loved by the students because the students or the teachers remembered her even though she was no longer teaching or working with them.They did that just out of courtesy, didn't they?DIDN'T THEY?

And came 2003, i had to swallow my own self-made declaration.I have worn the name tag that i witnessed my mom put on every working day.I conducted the same work using the same language that my mom was so good at. I had the same smile and giddiness that my mom had when the kids bowled her over with the admiration and praises. I had the same cry that mom probably had over unfinished work related issue. And adding up, i hope i do have the same ethics that mom embraced throughout her professional years.And to answer my earlier question, is everyone entitles to be a teacher? Honestly, I doubt that.True, during my downiest moment, i had the urge to change my path to something more challenging, more extravaganza, and of course, pays monstrous. But it makes me think deep because of these..

I am an educator, maybe i am born to be one and there is nothing more jubilant to know that your unglamorous, small degree of work hopefully have helped hundreds, or maybe thousand of people achieving their dreams:).And to quote the wise words from Anas r.a, those who teach useful knowledge to others and for as long as the others practise the knowledge, are bestowed with pahala even after their demise.

happy 8th anniversary, and toast to another 27 years to come!

one's cake is dough

You have bestowed upon us challenge after challenge.We cried, we mourned, we saddened on things happen beyond our expectation, but we wake up, we thank You for it and restart all over again.We stop sighing, we pick up the pieces and we build new ones.We learn that we are the chosen ones.The challenges have gotten the better of us.You love us dearly to grant us all the trials and tribulations we thought we could never survive.

But please, dear You, this time, love us enough to consent him the job he genuinely needed.That he truly wishes for.

Because the despair look on his face for the dashing hope is the last thing we want to see for now.

Just, please.

friday the 8th

On Friday the 8th, I..

1) am thanking God that it's already Friday!! (2 more weeks for the payday y'all!!)
2) am updating the already rusty blog web of mine, which collect more cobwebs than visitors.sob..sob..
3) completed my SKT and my tax revenue earlier than expected.And got rebate in return.Yeyyyyyy!!
4) almost, close in cleaning up the mess in the workplace, literally.I still have not done 'recycling' all the papers, and dumping it all at once in one large black plastic bag.

5) couldn't stop munching on the pineapple tarts, Rota prawn crackers and the enormous guava with its asam serbuk provided by Azlin, and couldn't stop exchanging gossip while at it.
6) am surfing the flight for 'those' affordable trips i hope i could go.No, scratch that. That I want to go.
7) am spending the afternoon babbling to Pbear bout all things unimportant
8) again, thanking God that it's Friday~~~~~