the real survivors

Remember the story about a friend of mine whose husband was diagnosed with brain cancer and went for operation and such and that her husband is feared to already reached stage 4? Her husband got back to work post-op. One day claimed to have a very severe headache.

Seems that the cancerous cell are recurring, and this time it multiplies. The effects might be severity and another operation might have its pro and cons. Tak tau nak cakap apa for my dearest Lina. I have nothing but the deepest sympathy and trust me, i feel you.

Cancer is nothing new in my family. My angah, abah's sister was a cancer victim and how cancer turned everything upside down for my tokwan's family. My mom's father was also victimized by cancer. Angah survived dalam setahun lebih jugak, despite being diagnosed late, and masa dapat diagnose tuh, dah tahap 3. That only, after she was transferred to private hospital in Kedah.

What you, the family member, could do in the circumstances like this? Being part of the family where both members dealt with cancer had taught me so much.

1) be optimistic.

the victim ( to be honest i hate the word victim.Cancer is a test from God to the persons He loves, so I rather call it the chosen ones. Better and has more positive connotation , don't you think?). Talking bout being optimistic, I know we can't stop feel sorry for the chosen ones. We tried to empathized their situation. But my family condition taught us not to dwell on the negativity. You don't have to all the time feel kesian and menangis 24 jam , because the chosen ones don't want you to be sorry for themselves. You should feel sorry when you stop being optimistic that they will recover. Menangis ja won't change the condition. It worsens the situation. For the chosen ones especially.

2)enjoy the moment.

when my aunt was diagnosed with cancer, we didn't stop her from doing anything she wanted to do, as long as it won't be hazardous to her health. We included her in everything we did, family gathering, outing, apa sajalah. Act that she never being affected by it. Act that everything was ok, all fine and dandy. When I got posted to Pahang, which obviously took the whole day journey, and obviously be tiring for someone who underwent chemo, she joined too. And sungguh puas to know that she really had her time, with the family. Even though it was her last long journey with us. And as for my grandfather, we visited him as much as we could, tok wan mat ni lain sikit, dia suka entertain orang. Suka nak bagi kami tebu la, ubi kayu la, from his own kebun. So we knew he enjoyed the moment with us

3) fulfill the wishes.

do your best to grant their wish. Don't ever feel like, oh there will be another day..that can wait. Cancer patients have their own wishes too, they are just afraid to say it out loud because they don't want the empathy from us, to feel that we pity them. It's your job to understand them and make it looks natural. Masa angah sakit which dah quite teruk jugak, she wanted to go for a family holiday. Kalau nak ikutkan, memang nak jaga dia dekat rumah ja, but comes to think of it, why not? She deserved some time out too. It was Pantai Merdeka, and all that she wanted to do was swimming, lepak pantai and the rest just lepak kat bilik sebab dia dah tak larat sangat. All we could do was to gather the family members and enjoyed everything


4) give her support.

support has to be shown, emotionally or physically. Bukan maksud dok pi keriau depan dia 24/7. Tapi we listen to her, bukan setakat dengar, but to listen with empathy. Understand the feeling as they are emotionally unstable. But don't show we regret the things happen to the chosen ones. Don't make her even weaker emotionally. We can be sad, all sorrowful with the closest kin or friends, but not to show it directly to the chosen ones. My physical support is to accompany her every time she needed to go for her doctor visit or chemo. Never failed everytime I came home visiting.

Banyak lagi sebenarnya but nak tulis pun dah rasa sebak. To angah and wan, you will be forever missed and semoga Allah tempatkan roh mereka di kalangan orang-orang yang disayangiNya..

rindu sebenarnya.has been too long..